


You are loved

by Madita1908



Series: Where love lies hidden in us [1]
Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Cooking, Dinner, F/M, Friends helping, Mom - Freeform, Pain, Party, childhood mention, destory, mental pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:58:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11620245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madita1908/pseuds/Madita1908
Summary: Tasha celebrates her birthday with her friends, but when suddenly an unexpected guest is at the door, everything gets out of control - even her love life.





	1. An unplanned Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoy this story!  
> There might be some mistakes in it, because it isn't corrected yet. 
> 
> Have fun!

Birthdays were a thing, that Tasha Zapata never wrote big in her life. She hated especially her own birthday. She couldn’t understand why everyone were looking forward to this day - it was only one day in the calendar, where you get one year older.  
Especially Patterson loved to celebrate birthdays. She loved the cakes, enjoyed the celebrating with singing and was always happy. Tasha, on the other hand, didn’t know if she had liked her birthday, when she had been younger. Maybe she had liked them, but that had changed dramatically with her fifth birthday. Even if the memory is no longer as present as it was when she was a teenager or a young adult, the agent could still fall back on fragments of it. It just needed a trigger. Something that reminds her of it.

Right now, she was standing in the elevator of the FBI building and drove up to her workplace. _"I hope they haven’t planned something,"_ she thought, as she tried to keep the fragments of the childhood memory away from her inner eye. She couldn’t need this memory now! She sights, when the elevator announced, that she reached the floor where she worked. Tasha stepped out of the elevator, relieved, that there was no sight of her team. Slightly smiling, she went to her desk, put her bag down and sat down. She hadn’t even switched on her computer, when two hands lay over her eyes. She could smell the perfume, it began to tickle in her nose and Zapata immediately recognized that it was her colleague Patterson. Only she used this sweet-smelling flower perfume.  
"Patterson, what are you doing…?" Tasha wanted to know, but her colleague made no effort to answer her. After a few minutes, Patterson dropped her hands from Tasha's eyes, and the Latina found a simple cake with a candle on her desk.  
Before she realized what was happening, Patterson and the other members of the team start to singing _Happy Birthday to you_. Her colleagues were standing around her desk. Weller, Reade on the left side, Jane Doe and Patterson on the right, all were grinned at her.  
Tasha put on a rather surprised face. She knew how to act in this kind of situation. Nobody seemed to noticed it.  
"Happy Birthday, Tasha!" The four said finally, all at the same time, and Tasha blew out the candle.  
"Thank you," Zapata smiled lightly and hugged everyone.  
The cake was cut and served - even when it was only half past ten.

~

"Say, why don’t you like your birthday?" Reade asked her, as the two were on the way to a case-related search. She hates the question.  
I like my birthday. There are cakes," Zapata tried to avoid the conversation, "and candles, you get a free drink everywhere."  
"Tasha, I’m serious. Don’t try to lie to me. I saw your acting in the office." Reade looked briefly at her, with this puppy eyes, and then back into the street.  
Tasha didn’t come up against Reade’s dark dog eyes. "You're as annoying as Patterson, Ed!" She murmured, looking out of the window before answering his question as honest as she could: "My father...he ...he left our family on my birthday. The next birthdays didn’t happen, because my mother was too drunk to organize something.” Her voice sounded indifferent, as if it was nothing. But Reade could tell, by seeing into her eyes, that it was close to her heart, because she blinked a few times violently.  
"I…I didn’t know that. I'm so sorry, Tasha," he replied, squeezing her hand lightly after stopping the car.  
“Congratulation, you just found out a new secret,” She joked, not looking at him. He shakes his head, and felt pity for her. Of course, he’d knew that her father had left her life early, and her mother was an alcoholic, but he never expected this. If he were in her situation, he wouldn’t like his birthday too. Reade started to asked himself if she wanted to celebrate her birthday in the evening. Or whether she did it only for Patterson, who asked if she would make dinner or go out today.

_"_ _Sure,"_ Tasha had told her, _"I'm cooking today, if you want to come, you're more than welcome."_ Zapata had even invited Nas. At first, the NSA agent did not want to come, but Patterson begged her to come because she was part of her team now, even though she did not work with them every day.

“Are you okay with the dinner today?” Reade asked her than.  
“Sure, why not? I like dinners with my friends.”

* * *

 

After the work, Nas and Jane offered to help Tasha with cooking, while Patterson was still in the office because she wanted to install the new update for her lab because she didn’t quite trust her lab team. Reade and Weller were somewhere else (probably buying beer). Tasha was more than relieved to have help at dinner. Not that she couldn’t make it herself, but it was nicer to have someone to talk with.  
"I hope you have no apricot allergy," Tasha told Nas, while preheating the oven to 400 degrees. Then she began to peel the 7 apricots for the dessert.  
"No, I haven’t," Nas said, stirring the paella in the big pan: "Do you have an apricot allergy, Jane?"  
"I hope not. I ... I honestly don’t know. What will you make of the apricots, Tasha? "Jane asked curiously, leaning against the kitchen counter.  
"We hope you don’t have an allergy. Hopefully this will turn out as an apricot tart," Tasha laughed, "Granny said it’s an easy recipe. Do you want to make the caramel, Jane?"  
"Sure, what do I have to do?"  
"The oven-proof pan is next to you in the cupboard. Fill the pan with ½ cup of water and add ½ cup of sugar to it and heat gently on the stovetop to melt the sugar. Once the sugar had melted, increase the heat so that the mixture is bubbling for about 5 minutes until it forms light caramel. Then remove the skillet from the stove, add 2 tablespoons of butter and stir it together until everything is well mixed." Tasha said quietly, but was interrupted when her phone rang. She replied immediately and left the kitchen for a bit of privacy even though she started talking to the caller in Spanish.

Nas watched her with pity, before peeling the last apricots. Then she looked at Jane, who was concentrating on her caramel.  
"She's doing it for Patterson," Jane said softly, "She does not want Patterson to be so unhappy, after all that happened ..." Before Kamal had been able to answer, Tasha came back into the room and banged her cell phone furiously at the kitchen counter. Nas and Jane looked at her confused.  
"Are you all right?" Jane asked guardedly.  
"Yes, how is the caramel?" Tasha answered, but her voice sounded angry.  
"Good, I think ..." She let Tasha look over her shoulder, whereupon she nodded before turning off the heat under the big pan. "Are you sure everything is good?" Jane questioned again.  
"I said, I’m fine," Tasha replied as she shut the door of the refrigerator so hard, that the inlet just clinked. "You can take the pan now from the stove and add the butter," she said a bit quieter.  
Jane followed the instruction and watched her friend carefully as she took a large sip from her wine glass. Then Tasha helped Nas to cut the apricots, which had to be halved only before they arranged the apricots with the core side up on the caramel.  
Finally, Zapata flouted the kitchen counter, put a 9 by 9 inch sheet of puff pastry she had just taken out of the refrigerator on the flour, and then put another puff pastry plate on top of the first, before she rolled it out briefly. She placed a plate, slightly larger than the pan, on the puff pastry and cut a circle. It knocked and Jane went to open the door. It was Reade, Weller and Patterson.  
“Come in. Everything okay?” Jane wanted to know.  
“Yeah, we got beer,” explained Reade laughing, “and gifts. How are you three doing?”  
“We almost finished the dessert.” Jane answered, and as Patterson and Weller went to the kitchen, she added in a whisper “I think Tasha got a bad call a few minutes ago.”  
Reade looked into the kitchen, where Tasha had just put the puff pastry circle over the apricots, and pressed the circle into the mold. Finally, Tasha pushed the tart into the oven and set the timer to half an hour. Reade could say that Tasha was angry because she seemed a bit too happy; Her otherwise pretty smile seemed fixed. He sighed before he went to the dining table, where Patterson, Nas, and Tasha began to cover the table.  
Shortly after that, dinner was ready.


	2. A surprised guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope I'm not to hard to Tasha!  
> Isabel is my own character - anything else belongs to Martin Gero!

"Well, you're a year older now," Weller laughed in the later evening, while eating his second piece of the apricot tart. "What is the first thing you'll do?"  
"Definitely, ignore the advice of my grandmother," Tasha joked, before she showed him the greeting card her grandmother had sent. She seemed to have forgotten her anger over the phone call.  
The card was beautiful, thought Kurt, but as he read the contents, he swallowed an apricot piece.  
Tasha's grandmother had written something about the biological clock of her granddaughter, about greatgrandchildren and about marriage. About that she was to found a family before it was too late for it.  
"Good idea," Jane said, "I always do that with Kurt's advice." Everyone starts laughing.  
“I mean, this is _my life_ ,” said Tasha, “I make my own dump choices.”  
“You made a lot of dump choices,” added Reade grinning, “Remember our first task?”  
“Don’t remind me of this! Don’t you dare to told this!”  
“You mean this, were Tasha fell into the well?” assumed Patterson, “You were that wet, that Mayfair send you home to prevent a cold!”  
“You really fell into a well?” Nas and Jane asked, surprised to hear that about Tasha.  
“Yeah, I fell. But I took this guy down!” Tasha defended herself half laughing half embarrassed, “It was my first day at the FBI and it was back ice where we found him. I slipped and fell with the guy into the fountain and….” Tasha stopped her story as she heard a knock on her door. “I don’t know who it’s. I’ll be back in a second.” She stands up, and got to open her door.

She was surprised when she saw her mother.  
"Mom, what are you doing here?" Tasha wanted to know. _"Who gave her my address?"_ Zapata thought.  
"Visit my daughter," her mother said, and entered the apartment without waiting for Tasha to ask her. Tasha smelled alcohol in the breath of her mother before she closed the door and led her mother into the living room your friends sat.  
“Guys, this is my Mom Isabel,” she introduced her mother, “ _Mom_ , do you want something to drink or to eat? I’ve made paella and apricot tart.”  
"I have something to drink, Natasha, you should know that," her mother said, looking around the room, ignoring her daughter's friends, "But I could eat something."  
"What can I bring you? Paella or Tart?"  
"I'll try the paella." Tasha’s mother sat next to Weller, while her daughter heated a plate of paella. The team watched the mother of her colleague for a while. There was no doubt that this woman was Tasha's mother, because the two looked very much like each other.  
"It's nice to meet you," Tasha Patterson could tell her mother.  
"And you're ...?" Her mother asked confused.  
"I am Patterson, Ma'am, I work with your daughter," Patterson said, smiling.  
"My daughter is working?" Isabel sounded more than surprised.  
The team exchanged a look. "Yes, at the FBI, she's one of the best agents I've ever worked with," Reade added.  
"Um, Kurt, could you give me a hand?" Tasha whispered in Weller’s ear, making sure her mother didn’t hear it.  
Kurt nodded and followed his colleague into the kitchen.  
"Listen, my mother is drunk, she doesn’t know I'm working at the FBI, she thinks I'm a college student," Zapata told her boss, pointing to the shelf over the stove.  
Weller acted like he’s grapping something from the storage. “Don’t worry, we can handle that.”  
Tasha smiled sadly. “I hope so.” She turned off the microwave, took out the food and brought it to her mother. Her mother looked at the plate, and said nothing. She started to eat, while her daughter continued her story.  
"When I tried to come out of the well with Reade’s help, he fell back with me,"  
"Just because your grip on my vest was so strong," Reade reminds her. They began to laugh before Reade began to tell a different story. "Tasha helped me to renovate my apartment a few years ago, and we were about to start painting the walls when Tasha stumbled over the carpet and landed with her head in the paint. She can be a clumsy fool sometimes.”  
Zapata grinned and hit Reade playful against his arm. "You swore you would never tell anyone!" “Natasha was always a clumsy fool,” Isabel said, “Since she was a little, dump toddler.” She placed her half-eaten plate on the couch table before she reached into her pocket and took out a bottle.  
"I do not think your daughter was or is dump, Mrs. Zapata," Kurt replied.  
“Don’t call me that again!” Isabel suddenly cried, "I am no longer the wife of this ..."  
" _Mom_ ," Tasha stood up hastily and put a hand on her mother's shoulder, "He didn’t know that, everything is good ..." the Latina tried to calm her mother, but the next thing she felt was the hand of her mother, who was brushing her cheek. Tasha didn’t react to this, even if her cheek hurt.  
"Do not you dare to touch me!" Isabel hissed as she sprung up from the sofa.  
" _Mom_ , everything is all right, calm down!" Tasha gave the best effort she could find inside her to soothe her mother. It was more than unpleasant for her mother to act like that.  
The team did not know how to react. They were startled by the sudden emotion of Isabel.  
Lastly, Isabel escaped from her daughter and ran into the kitchen - Tasha immediately followed her.

They heard Isabel scream - in an incomprehensible Spanish. Except for Jane, none of the attendants understood what Isabel was screaming.  
"We have to help her," Patterson said resolutely and stood up, followed by Jane and Reade. They couldn’t leave their friend alone, but Weller and Nas didn’t agree yet to get up too.  
When, however, the first plates were thrown by Tasha's mother, they both stood up. Reade, Patterson, and Jane had gone into cover as the plates also flew in their direction.  
Isabel threw more and more plates after her daughter, and Weller suspected that Tasha had no more plates, because even the dirty plates weren’t safe from the older woman.  
Despite the flying plates, Tasha continued to calm her mother - also in Spanish, which was much clearer. Zapata's mother didn’t listen, took now and then a sip from her bottle and looked around for new items to attack her daughter.

Finally, Tasha had enough. She ran furiously to her mother and before she thought about what she was doing, she hit her mother in the face.  
Isabel looked puzzled at her daughter, whose face was consumed by anger. Slowly the older woman touched her burning cheek. “You haven’t done that,“ she whispered in English.  
Tasha held a hand in front of her mouth as she realized what she had done. "I'm sorry mommy, I didn’t want that mama, really, I didn’t want that!" She said quickly, almost swallowing the words.  
„Save your "mommy" or "mama"! How dare you make me face your face, you stupid girl!"  
Isabel shouted at her daughter, while Tasha stepped back, and bumped against the counter. She’s breathing, and her dark eyes filled with shock. Patterson, Reade, and Jane came out of their hiding-place and, just like Weller and Nas, were looking anxiously between the two women.  
„I didn’t want this! Please, trust me!“ Tasha apologised, but her mother did not listen.  
her mother was mad as hell. She threw away her bottle, which broke a clatter and spread the contents on the floor, her face had a high colour.  
“Shut up! How dare you are! Telling me, you are going to college! You stole my precious money! You stole it just to live here in luxury! "  
_“Money? Isabel haven’t send me any money in years!”_ Tasha though, while watching her mother cautiously. There were a knife lying next to the elder woman, and Tasha hoped she didn’t noticed it. “Mom…Listen, I…” Tasha started calmly.  
"Mom ... Listen, I ..." Tasha started quietly again, but her voice was vibrating slightly.  
"I told you to save it! You're a stupid child, Natasha! You have no idea how much I've worked for the money! I cannot believe you're my child! You're the last person I need in my life! "

Tasha’s heart drops into her stomach. She knew the drunk version of her mother to well and learned how to reacted to that, but…  
But something felt different right today. She didn’t know what was going on with herself. _“Maybe it’s because of my hope,”_ Thought Tasha, but was torn from her thoughts when something hit her chest. She looked down and saw an apple roll under the table. _"Great. She found the fruits.”_

"You're the most ignorant person I ever met, you're just like your idiotic father, useless ..."  
Tasha swallowed hard. The FBI agent felt tears in her eyes and fought against them - she would not cry before her friends! She did not see how Patterson tried to approach her, but Jane held her back. Tasha didn’t notice what was with her friends, her concentration was all on her mother  
“…a taker. You are cruel, a thief…”  
Zapata’s heart did a violent beat. She felt more tears in her eyes. A lump built in her throat. She didn’t bring out one word. Her mind is screaming _“Get out of here! Get out of that nightmare!”_ but her feet didn’t start walking.  
“…a cuckoo in the nest…”


	3. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> Thanks for all the kuddos!

For the first time in his life, Reade wanted Tasha to be drunk. Her mother really didn’t seem to notice what she was saying, or what caused her daughter.  
His partner looked as if she would burst into tears every second. At the same time, she looked as if she had to throw up. He wasn’t sure how much Tasha could stand. Tasha was strong, no question, but at work she had never faced such a mental pain as now. Ed had never seen her like this before - and never wanted to see her like that again. It was hard for him to see her suffer.  
"Stop it!" Reade walked between Tasha and her mother, "Don't you see what you do to your daughter?"  
“Shut up! You have no say in this!” Isabel snapped at Reade, gripping the paper towel from the sink and throwed it at the tall man. Then she ignored him, went into the other corner to face her daughter once more: "You know what?" the older woman asked and didn’t wait for an answer "I wish you'd never been born! You should have been dead when you were born!”  
The words hit Tasha like a ball from a short distance. Her chest contracted painfully as her brain tried to process this sentence. “I’m sorry, that I disappoint you,” Tasha sobbed after minutes. Tears started to fall, and her body was trembling lightly, and she felt more and more uncomfortable in her own skin. Her mother hasn't wanted her at least.  
“No, you aren’t sorry, Natasha. You never were,” Her mother takes a few steps forward, “You never were sorry for what you did to me.”  
“What I did to you, Isabel?” Zapata asked quietly, sounding like a little child who just learned how to talk. She wasn’t unsure what her mother mean. “Shouldn’t you be sorry for what you did to me?”  
“I did nothing to you! You stole my man. You made him left me! I am only because you exist! I wish you are dead!”  
“You did nothing to me? Are you sure? Because I remember things you did to me. And I’ve never had stolen your boyfriends,” Tasha split out angry. Her breath was fast and the team got more worried about her condition. They never saw their friend that angry.  
“Of course, you did! You are a liar, Natasha! Since you were able to walk and to talk you messed everything up! I wished you had die!”

And this was the point where Tasha finally broke.  
“Why didn’t you have killed me, when you had the chance to?” Tasha rapidly thundered, her eyes dark of rage, “You don’t really remember what you did to me? Let me refresh your memory! Do you remember the way in which you have thrown your holy bottles after me? When you cut me with a broken bottle, because I wanted to take it from you? So, you don’t hurt yourself? Or the accident with the hot water? When you pushed me so hard against the wall so got a concussion?? Do you remember the hot day you went shopping with your boyfriend? You left me in the car? I think you have enough chances, Isabel!” The young woman threw everything off the counter behind of her. The beautiful glass ornament broke into thousand pieces. A bottle of wine also broke, and the contents spread over the entire kitchen floor, mixing with the contents of Isabel's bottle. Even her badge of office landed on the ground, straight into the puddle of wine. She didn’t mind.

Reade and Weller exchanged a glance. Both of them couldn’t understand what was happening. They never saw Tasha like this. They knew that Tasha didn’t have a good relationship with her mother, but she did not know it was so bad. It was like a bad nightmare, a story they knew from eight o'clock news or from Facebook. The whole situation was out of control and they didn’t know how to stop it. For a few minutes, there was peace until Isabel opened her mouth to say something, but Tasha didn’t even let her talk:  
“You never cared about me! You loved your alcohol more than your own flesh and blood! You even offered my body to a man! What mother does this to her own child?! You always remembered Alex when you woke up in the hospital. You never recognized me! You said that I made dad left us. Thanks for that. I’m thinking about this every fuckin’ day since then”, Tasha roared, her face painted with mascara. “You are not my mother anymore, Isabel! You never were my mother! If you never wanted me, why for god sake you give birth to me? Why? You don’t know anything about me! Year of year you forgot my birthday and now you are here, destroying a nice evening with your addiction! Like you always do!”  
“You’re lying, Natasha,” her mother responded, surprised by the temper of her daughter, “You know that I care about …”  
“Zip your lips! You were never there for me when I needed you! You treated me like air, unless you were drunk and needed company when Alex had to go to school! And even then, I was not always good enough for you!”  
“You can’t….” protested Isabel, looking at the friends of her daughter.  
“Go to hell! I don’t believe you! I couldn’t care less!” Tasha hissed, “Leave my fuckin’ apartment, Isabel! Now!”

_“Maybe she is having a sober moment,”_ Weller thought, while he steps a bit closer to Tasha, who was near a complete breakdown. Tasha was shaking even more, and her breath went even faster than before minutes. Weller glanced at Patterson, whose mouth was wide open. His lips formed silently, she should call 911, in case Tasha collapsed.

"It would be better if you were going now," Nas softly demanded Tasha's mother. The older woman looked at her confused and tried to protest, but Patterson and Jane also replied the same.  
"Come, I'll take you down," Nas finally said, put a hand on Isabel's arm, which lowered his head. Without saying a word, she left the house of her daughter, accompanied by Nas.

“I want you all to leave now,” Tasha ordered, turning away from her friends, her voice low and dark.  
“We’re helping you clean up,” answered Jane, beginning to pick up the fruit.  
“I said leave me alone! What’s wrong with your ears?!” shouted Tasha now, her accent bleed through and Jane took a few steps back. “Just leave me alone!” As the others, Doe was surprised to saw her fried like this. She laid the fruit on the table, carefully watching her colleague. It was as if Tasha had completely changed in the few minutes.  
“We are not leaving you like this, Zapata,” Weller insisted, “You’re angry, we understand that…”  
“You understand nothing, Weller.”  
“Oh, I do understand how you are feeling right now.”  
Tasha laughed bitterly. “Yeah. The great Kurt Weller knows everything. How could it not be?”  
Weller didn’t take her words seriously. Maybe she was right and he doesn’t know how she’s feeling, because his parents had never told him that they wished he would be death. He just knew, that his father killed his childhood friend – and this may had given him the same feeling Tasha has right now. He didn’t know if that’s true.  
“Tasha please. Let us help you!” Patterson trembled, her puppy eyes on. She was very close to cry , but Tasha ignores that. She just had no nerve to forget her own pain and anger for Patterson. As much as she used her puppy eyes, the angrier was Tasha. _“Do what you want Patterson. I’m mad as hell and you can’t change it!”_ Tasha’s dark voice said inside her head.  
“I told you to get lost!”, Zapata went totally mental, turning around. Her complete makeup was gone by all the tears, her face as red as a chilli. “I don’t want your damn help! I don’t need you damn help!” She run out of the kitchen, right into her bed room, where she locked herself in. Weller and Reade tried to catch her, but she was faster than they thought. They could hear things breaking behind the door.  
“Damn!”  
“Zapata open this door! Now!” Weller knocked on the door, but didn’t get an answer. Something hit the door. “Tasha!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. “She’ll need the comfort”

“Kurt, stop it! She won’t come out!” Nas laid a hand onto her colleagues’ shoulder, calm him a bit down. She had just come up again when she'd heard Wellers' shouts in the hall. Nas had taken Tasha's mother - a very unpleasant woman, as she found - to the next bus stop, to be sure she wouldn’t come into the apartment again.  
“We can’t leave her in there, Nas! She may hurt herself someway!” Kurt looked at her, his facial expression full of worry. He had been knocking against the bedroom door for almost a quarter of an hour, but his friend did not stop. Only the dull noises had increased.  
“I know, but…She needs this, Kurt. She has to let go of her inner pain. Her mother wounded her more than possible,” Nas described softly.  
“Then she _has_ to talk to us right now! We can help her! She can’t destroy everything in her apartment! At least she’ll hurt herself!” He let her lead him to the living room, where his friends were already sitting and set down helpless.

“I know how Tasha is feeling,” Patterson said unexpectedly, “Last time I was that hurt, I destroyed nearly everything in my apartment. Some of my games, my couch, my controller, paintings…”  
“You did what?!” Jane looked alarmed at her friend, “Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped you!”  
“Because it was a sudden rush, that came over me. After that I felt free. I felt better. Maybe Tasha needs that too.”  
Nas looked pity at Patterson. "Maybe we should go and give her back her personal space," she suggested.  
“We can’t let her alone, Nas,” Weller responded directly, “She _needs_ our help!”  
“I’m not saying that, Kurt. We shouldn’t _all_ be here.”  
Jane, who seemed to understand what Kamal was talking about, nodded. “I think you are right, Nas. It might be better if only one of us stay here. Someone who knows Tasha well.” She eyed Patterson and Reade.  
“Don’t look at me,” stated Patterson, “I don’t think I’m the right person at the moment.” She looked  
over to Reade. They heard another clatter from the bed room. Something heavy must have landed on the ground.  
“Why me? I can’t comfort people very well!” Reade claimed nervously. It was the truth, that he couldn’t comfort people well. _“Maybe_ _Weller can stay here,”_ Ed thought, _“He’d be the better choice. He_ _understands people better. He isn’t damaged like I am.”_  
“Because you know her the best! Look, Ed, she trusts you with her life. You two do nearly anything  
together,” Patterson mentioned. In her opinion, Reade was the best choice for this.  
“Patterson’s right, Reade,” Nas added. “When you were in surgery in cause of your leg, Tasha and I had a talk. She cares so much about you, that you may not believe it.”  
“That isn’t the point. I know how much she cares about me, and sometimes it’s annoying, but I can’t give it back to her since…” Edgar stopped. _“…we watched the video.”_ He finished his sentence in his mind.  
“It doesn’t matter, Reade. Just be here for her when she comes out of that room,” Jane said now, pointing to the bed room. “She’ll need the comfort.”

Reade felt like that he hadn’t another choice than to agree with his friends. “Okay, I’ll stay here,” he finally agreed. He wasn’t happy about this; he didn’t know why. Tasha was stubborn. If she didn’t want any help, she didn’t accept any help – that was something Reade had learned early in their partnership. _“She had comforted me all the time, but every single time she needed to be comforted by me, she didn’t let me.”_ He wanted to told the others, but no word came out of his mouth.  
“Good. But if something happened, call us!”, Weller ordered while he stands up.  
“Yeah, boss.”  
“If you want I can stay here too,” Jane offered, “clean up a little.”  
“Thanks for the offer, Jane.” Reade smiled a little, “But I think I’ll do it alone. It’s faster.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah,” he followed his friend to the apartment door, said goodbye to them and closed the door carefully. The FBI agent turned slowly around. Looking at the chaos, his friends mother had caused. _“I’m glad my mom’s that kind,”_ Reade thought, _“Otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do…Let’s get this done.”_ He sighted, walked into the kitchen und started to pick up the fruits and broke items.  
“Man, this is disgusting,” he said to himself, walking through the wine to get to the sink.

 

* * *

 

Tasha destroyed nearly her whole bedroom.  
The pictures above her bed were now broken on the floor, the picture frames had dents, as well as her night table lamp. She had thrown all her clothes out of the closet. She had torn some of her pillow-sleeves and blouse out of sheer rage, broke the mirror-she cut herself out with a sharp remnant of the mirror as she hit her fist at her ground. Her jewellery lay wildly distributed on the ground. Necklaces and bracelets were broken, while earrings and rings were deformed.  
To her happiness, she hadn’t destroyed the window. Crying, the Latina sank to the ground, buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t remember a time when she had a screaming tantrum like this. She knew, that she had shouted at her friends. _“They’ll hate Me now,”_ She thought sadly, _“I am truly my mother’s daughter. I am not better than her.”_ Shakely, Tasha tried to stop her feelings, because she knew how they turned her upside down. They would get darker with every second if she didn’t stop them. _“They won’t hate me because of this,”_ her voice said in her head, _“They just saw how much human you are.”_

She sat there like this, until she calmed down a little. _“What have I done?”_ she asked herself, looking around. All this shit happened because of her mother. Because of her temperament. _“I’m a terrible host. I hope they had leave. They don’t need to see this.”_ Sighted loudly, whipped away some of the wetness in her face, before getting up. Strains of mascara were on her sleeves, and she cursed. The cheap stuff wasn’t good.  
Slowly, she turned around, unlooked the door and looked down the small hallway. There were no sound in her apartment, and Tasha made her way out of her bedroom. She expected to see the chaos in the kitchen, but to her surprise it was all cleaned up. “Who in the world had done this?” Tasha got her answer, when the door of the guest toilette opened and Reade stepped out.  
They looked at each other for a while, unsure what to say. Reade closed the door, leaning against it, while watching his partner closely.  
_“She looks down in the dumps,”_ he thought, _“Like she’s about to cry again.”_ His glance became pity; she hadn’t deserved her mother’s words.  
“What are you doing here, Reade?”, Her voice was difficult. She sounded tired, not like herself. Like…she had become another person in the last hours.  
“I thought, you shouldn’t be alone…after this,” he answered, waiting for her reactions.  
“I don’t need a damn babysitter. Did you clean up the kitchen?” she wanted to know, not looking at him.  
“Yeah, I did,” he said and his heart sank, as he saw, how she turned her back to him. She started to tremble, and without thinking, Ed stepped closer to her, turning her around and pulled her in a hug. He didn’t like it, when she’s crying.  
He didn’t like it if she’s upset like this. She’d grew to his heart, while working together and if he was honest, he felt _more_ than friendship for her. He cursed himself for kissing her the last time.

She fought his embrace, tried to push him away, even to beat him, but it didn’t seem to interest him. Reade pulled her closer, his warm hands drawing circles on her back as she began to weep heavily. With every trembling of her body he held her tighter, silent, until she slowly stopped fighting him. Her arms sank weakly to her side, she leaned her forehead against his chest and sobbed. Ed carefully turned the circles in a gentle up and down stroking.  
It felt good to be taken into the arm, Tasha found, but it didn’t help against her inner conflict. They stand there for minutes, until she calmed down gradually.  
“You okay?”, Reade asked quietly, not stopping his stroking.  
She sighted. “Not really,” she answered honestly, stepping out of his embrace. It’s the truth. She felt abandoned, deeply hurt in her soul, unloved, and, above all, not wanted. Tasha felt like someone ripped out every good of her.  
“Come and sit with me,” Reade didn’t wait for her to answer that. He gently took her hand and led her to her living room. She let him guide her to the couch, where she sits down, crawling into on the corners, grapping a pillow and held it hard against her chest. Ed sat down in the other corner, looking worried at her. For a while, they didn’t talk. They just sat there in silent. Reade didn’t know exactly what do right now. He saw the silent tears that run-down Tasha’s beautiful cheeks, wetting the pillow she’s cuddling. Her body began to quake again, as she tried desperately to hold back the sobs that wanted made their way out of her throat. “ _I’m nothing. My own mother hasn’t wanted me at all. Why did I survey everything? Why? I’m unwanted in every way…”_ she thought and buried her face in the pillow.


	5. Believe me

Edgar could no longer see how Tasha cried her heart out. _“She doesn’t deserve this feeling,”_ his inner voice said, _“She deserves love more than anybody.”_  
He took heart, moved closer to her, and stretched out his arm a little so that she could lean against him if she wanted. She didn’t notice it, but when he looked onto his cell phone for the time of the day, she leaned timidly against him.  
He put his cell phone away, slowly lowered his arm around her, watching her carefully. God, he wished, he could have protected her from this brutal pain she’s going through! After a while, she snuggled up against him, not looking at him. It meant a lot to him, that she did it.  
Watchful he stroked through her hair, following the form of her head. She let him doing it, and calmed a little down, but the hurt by her mother had settled into her bones. Tasha pressed herself against her partner, searching for more comfort by him. She found the comfort when she was sitting on her knees. But her body hasn’t stopped trembling by now.

She felt safe in his arms. He put his other arm around her too, she liked the warmth they gave her and she relaxed a little bit more. Reade looked down at his partner. Not knowing what to say right know. Either she didn’t know what to say. At this moment, Tasha felt that safe, that she let go of her perfect built up mask. It was the first time, she let him saw her without her toughness.  
“It hurts,” she whispered finally, “it hurts so fuckin’ much Reade!”  
“I know,” he answered, “I know how you feel, Tasha.”  
Unexpectedly, Tasha freed herself from his embrace, and her sadness changed to anger. For the first time since he sat her down on the couch she looked at him. There was something in her sad eyes that made Reade worried.  
_“He doesn’t know anything!”_ Tasha’s mind screamed, _“He wasn’t the one wo let Isabel in! He wasn’t the one wo screamed at her. He wasn’t the one who pushed her into the face! He wasn’t the one, who destroyed half of the bedroom.”_ Tasha stood up and walked to one of the windows. Her glance went over the street. It was raining outside and the wind pushed the raindrops at her window. _Knock. Knock. Knock._ The sound rushed her temper a little. She wasn’t angry at Reade, she never would be.

The Latina was mad at herself.  
She should have known, that her mother wasn’t up for no good. Damn, she had lived with that woman for years but her stupid _“I believe everyone can be good”_ made her close her eyes. She was the reason for this disaster! _“It was my fault that it happened. I’m a terrible daughter. Maybe she’s right at some points….”_ She thought, _“God, why did I survey all the shit?”_

Reade watched his partner closely. Had he said something wrong? He didn’t understand the change of her emotions.  
“Tasha,” he tried to get her attention, “Tasha listen to me!”  
“Why should I Ed?” She looked out of the window again, he could see the reflection of her facial expression in the window.  
“Because I know how you feel right now. Just sit down and talk to me!”  
“You don’t know anything, Reade! You are loved by your mother!” she shouted at him, because he didn’t seem to understood her point. Hell, he has a loving mother! She on the other hand, has a mother who cared a shit about her.  
“Listen, Tasha. You are loved by so many people!”  
“Bullshit! Nobody loves me!”, she uttered.  
Ed closed his eyes for a moment. Maybe he would regret it later, but he stood up from the couch, not moving much further, before he found it in one’s heart to tell her about his feelings:  
“Damn Zapata! I love you!”

Tasha froze. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t had a proper relationship for years - on the one hand because of her gambling and her job. On the other hand, she always chooses the wrong one. But the most important point on this list was however, that she didn’t want them to leave her, when she opened herself for them. When she allowed the deeper feeling inside her grow.  
Her heart started beating wildly again - she couldn’t give Reade the brush-off!  
But with her, he would not be happy! He would only be unhappy and disappear like everyone else. Like her father, who called her today after 30 years of no contact.

_"Are you coming back soon, Daddy?" The five-year-old Tasha asked her father as he went towards the door. He turned around for a moment._   
_"Of course, my little princess. Promise me that you'll be listening to your brother in the meantime," her father said in his thick Spanish accent, and she nodded. "Good girl. Now go back to bed, and have sweet dreams."_

Ed's stomach tightened, as he recognized how she started to shivering once more. "Tasha ..." he muttered, reaching out for a hand. She refused to sit down next to him. He noticed, how lost she was into thoughts. She wanted to say something, but everything that left her mouth was "I ..." while she turned away from the window, to stared at her best friend.  
"Tasha," Ed questioned, but she shook her head.  
“Are you serious about this, Reade?” When she questioned that, a lump formed in her throat. Of course, she had feelings for him too. Strong feelings. But…what if he was playing with her?  
Reade didn’t understand her question in the first place. Her words circled around his head until they finally made sense.  
“Yeah, I am serious Tasha! How couldn’t I? Man, I really love you!”  
God, she wanted to believe him, but something inside her stopped her. Her heart hurt, when she tried to explain him, why he couldn’t love her: "You won’t be happy with me, Reade. And then ... then ... ", her voice became softer, but there was also sadness in her voice. It hurt her so much, that she wanted to get out of his near.  
He stepped closer to her. “No, Tasha, don’t say. I won’t be unhappy with you! Why are you thinking that?”  
"Because I make everyone unhappy! My father, my brother. Just all! They all left because I made them unhappy! And I cannot do it anymore! I don’t want this to happen in my life anymore, don’t you understand that?" Her voice broke and her emotions spilled out of her another time.

Shocked, Ed looked at his best friend. It made sense to him, but does she really thought he get unhappy with her? They were working together for several years now, and if she’d made him unhappy he hadn’t team up with her. Damn, he loves her since the second month they had worked together.  
But back then, his feelings hadn’t been this strong as they were since the past few months. "Natasha," he muttered dragged her into his arms without much trouble. He never used her full name, and he feared that she would get mad about this. But she didn’t fight him, either did she hug him too. “I won’t be unhappy with you. That’s impossible. I just want to be with you. Believe me, I really love you.”

_“Maybe this is right. Maybe I should let this happen. Feelings can’t be false, if they are that strong, right?”,_ Tasha asked herself, finally hugging Reade back. For the first time since a while, she felt like having butterflies in her stomach. Her sadness and anger disappeared within seconds, and she allowed herself to enjoy Reade’s embrace. She felt more than safe in his arms.  
After what could have been hours, Tasha looked up to Reade. “I love you too,” she spoke softly, and Reade knew that she wasn’t lying.  
He smiled at her, stroking a few strains of hair out of her face, before he leant forward, covering her mouth with his in a gentle kiss. She answered immediately and surprised herself.  
His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than she remembered. Reade tasted tentatively with his tongue, and Tasha opened her mouth a bit. It didn’t feel wrong like the last time he kissed her; this kiss felt too good to be real.  
They broke the kiss when they run out of air. Both were laughing slightly of joy.

During the kiss, Tasha had become clear, that they had made a decisive step in the direction of a relationship. This kiss had united all the feelings that they felt for each other. But if they were in a relationship now, it wouldn’t be long until the team learned about it. And Tasha wasn’t sure if she wanted that.  
She hesitated a moment before she decided to tell Reade of her feeling. “Ed, I'm…I’m not completely sure, if the rest of the team should know about us yet."  
Reade never thought of this point. Gently, he drew circles on his _girlfriend’s_ back while thinking about it. “I haven’t thought about that…,” he answered after a while, “I agree with you. They don’t need to know it yet.”  
Tasha smiled at him happily. She was glad, that Reade was on her side. She reached up for his neck, and he pulled her up lightly by her waist, feeling her skin with his fingertips.

“I love you, Ed,” Tasha whispered against his lips, before she kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your suport!  
> I hope you enjoyed the start of my series!
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comment area! :)
> 
> Wishes, Madita

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ♥
> 
> Ps. The recipe in this story is real! Thanks Tasty for it


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